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Monday, June 29


a rush and a push

have you ever seen the original solaris? it is really intense.
"i'm not hari!!!!!!" i am watching this and the remake tonite. taking a break from mixing.
in my living room i have a pile of 500 stuffed animals that i bought from a claw machine whole saler. (there is a photo of them as a pyramid on
the cat frequently jumps into whatever construction might be attempted so usually they are just scattered everywhere in a plush explosion of fixed eyed colors.
in my house also there are incredibly scary millipedes with terrible jointed long legs and long antenna. i hate them. they are living YUCKY and look like what satan would have as saliva.
the cat has gotten interested in killing them. i this. i like that she protects me as i protect her.
she however chased a really huge one into the frontier of 500 plush toys and dove in and out of it trying to skewer her prize.
it was as if she were some kind of kali on the cusp of heaven and hell. not caring nor understanding that she had dominion over light and dark, over all. she is the middle of her plush universe. at this second, her paw is holding down the king of the millipedes. i love her amidst both cute and evil, both white stuffing and green blood. perhaps it would be she who would be my hari sent to me by the sentient ocean of solaris.
earlier today i spent a couple of hours walking along the eno (yes the eno) river in my stupid town.
it feels like a fantasy. upon ones inevitable carving of a suicide note into the bark of tree, this might be the place for it.
have you listened to "your funeral my trial" (if you skip the carny) as of late. oh
to be literally moved to tears. music. oh really! yes! really! more than ever ever ever




Saturday, June 27


to iran-

thinking of you.
thinking of you.
thinking of you.
thinking of you. thinking of you.
thinking of you.
thinking of you.
thinking of you. thinking of you.
thinking of you.
thinking of you.
thinking of you.
thinking of you. thinking of you.
thinking of you.
thinking of you.
thinking of you.



myopic j.j.


Friday, June 26


it has been awhilwe since-

i blogged about a dance night but then it has been awhile since i have been to one.
so if i ever complained about there being no one hot in oakland, there are 1000% fewer hot people in durham.
so, to my 1000% surprise, tonite, dance night, there is a hot person on the dance floor.
of course this does not mean anything other than, oh it is so much nicer to be surprise chimed by the hot than it is to stun blanked by the plain. and she can dance.
anyway, the music is not so great so i am just playing game boy, drinking drambuie (lie, just beer) and occasionally looking up at the small crowd. there is life. there is light.
i got a new game. it is a good one.
once in awhile a good jam arrives and i jump up and try to feel it and it is funish, but not enough to keep me there. so back to the nintendo (no friend oh!) i go.
the aforementioned hot bot grabs my feet and pulls me out of my chair onto the dance floor and says
"you dance with no abandon. i make my own reality."



save our sounds is the greatest art project of all time.

please go to this link. it is totally wonderful and makes you want to live or stop living as it will not get any better than this if you are a sound obsessed nerd on alert like me. i know you are one. i will see you in the great beyond with headphones on. thumbs aloft! and eyes closed or poked out!

"We want you to help us build an interactive map of the world. So get involved and send in recordings of sounds from where you live."

i heard about this driving home from NYC this weekend. the commentator also talked about writing a list of every sound she heard within and hour's time and being amazed at what she discovered was around her.
do you think that this would exciting to do and then read or would it be tedious to do and then read?

please, if you would like, email to, a list of every sound you hear within an hour and i will post it at

please include your name and where you live. please do or do not feel constrained by reality. abuse your illusion or be TOTALLY HONEST. truth is stranger than diction!

the sound of street protest in iran being crushed by right wing jocks!


Tuesday, June 23



there is a spider that has laid 3 egg sacks on the window that is next to the desk where i write music. my land lady sent someone over to power wash the house and i asked the man if he would please not wash that window as i was waiting for the eggs to hatch. i thought he would think it was weird but he just said, "no problem."
a few days later one of the sacks opened and there were what looked like 100 grains of brown salt with little legs orbiting it like 100 moons. they were not moving and then one day they were gone. there were many many more webs on the window but i could not see the spiders.
it does not look like the mother has moved at all from where she has been for the last 2 weeks. her body moves so i know she is not dead but she does not move from her post.
today i saw that the next sack had opened. a moment after i had noticed the newest set of 100 spider moons, i saw that a about a foot away was a small, light green caterpillar inching its way up a thread of silk. mechanically going up up up to the eave on my roof.
i looked at it, sitting at a celesta i rented. then like a crazed murderer, a different spider slid down the caterpillar's silk and appeared to bite it. the caterpillar thrashed its body in every direction and threw the spider off of itself down to the ground. it fell 2 stories and would never find the caterpillar again nor ever eat it.
the caterpillar began to contort and writhe. it looked as if it had been poisoned. it went on for five minutes. i could not get back to work. it turned itself inside out and into a ball. but then suddenly, a little more slowly, began to inch back up the silk and made it over the eave until i could not see it anymore.


Thursday, June 18







so how are you now?


Wednesday, June 17


all sorts of caution



Abbas Djavadi’s Blog

Observations: June 15 in Tehran

by Abbas Djavadi on 16/06/2009

A.A. reports his own observations on the course of events of 15th June 2009 in Tehran.

I left my home in Tajrish along with my family at 3 p.m. We went down Valiast Street which is the main northern-southern avenue in Tehran and entered the Evin Exp’way which leads to Enghelab Street. We knew that people are supposed to gather in Enghelab Sq. (Revolution Sq.) at 4 and march toward Azadi Sq. (Freedom Sq.). From Gisha Bridge onwards, we saw people walking down. Cars were blowing their horns and people were showing victory sign. We went to Navvab Street and parked our car at the end of the street. Then we took a taxi to bring us back to the Enghelab Street.

On our way, near Jomhouri Sq. (Republic Sq.), I saw a group of about 20 militia with long beards and batons on motorbikes. My hand was out of the car window with a little green ribbon (the sign of reformists) around my finger. One of the militia told me to throw that ribbon away. I showed him a finger. All of a sudden, about 15 people attacked me inside the car. They beat me with their batons and wanted to pull me out. My wife and my daughter who were sitting in the back seat cried and hold me tight. I also hold myself tight on the chair. They wanted to shatter the car windows. The driver went out and explained that he is a taxi and we are his passengers and he has no fault. After about 5 minutes,they left. My elbow hurts severely. Then, a young man from their group came and kissed my elbow! I told him: You know, I don’t hate you. I am like you with the only difference that I know more and you are ignorant. He apologized and left. We joined the crowd in Enghelab Street.

Read carefully: What I saw today was the most elegant scene I had ever witnessed in my life. The huge number of people were marching hand in hand in full peace. Silence. Silence was everywhere. There was no slogan. No violence. Hands were up in victory sign with green ribbons. People carried placards which read: Silence. Old and young, man and woman of all social groups were marching cheerfully. This was a magnificent show of solidarity. Enghelab Street which is the widest avenue in Tehran was full of people. I was told that the march has begun in Ferdowsi Sq. and the end of the march was now in Imam Hossein Sq. to the further east of Tehran while on the other end people had already gathered in Azadi Sq. The length of this street is about 6 kilometers.

The estimate is about 2 million people. On the way, we passed a police department and a militia (Baseej) base. In both places, the doors were closed and we could see fully-armed riot police and militia watching the people from behind the fences. Near Sharif University of Technology where the students had chased away Ahmadinejad a few days ago, Mirhossein Mousavi (the reformist elect president) and Karrubi (the other reformist candidate spoke to people for a few minutes which was received by cries of praise and applause. I felt proud to find myself among such a huge number of passionate people who were showing the most reasonable act of protest. Frankly, I didn’t expect such a political maturity from emotional Iranians who easily get excited.

My family and I had put stickers on our mouths to represent the suppression. Placards that people carried were different; from poems by the national poet Ahmad Shamlu to light-hearted slogans against Ahmadinejad. Examples include: ” To slaughter us/ why did you need to invite us / to such an elegant party” (Poem by Shamlu). ” Hello! Hello! 999? / Our votes were stolen” or ” The Miracle of the Third Millenium: 2 x 2 = 24 millions” (alluding to the claim by Government that Ahmadinejad obtained 24 million votes) , “Where is my vote?” , ” Give me back my vote” and many other. We arrived in Azadi Square where the entire square was full of population.

It is said that around 500,000 people can be accommodated in this huge square and it was full. Suddenly we saw smoke from Jenah Freeway and heard the gunshot. People were scared at first but then went forward. I just heard the gunshots but my sister who had been on the scene at that part told me later that she saw 4 militia came out from a house and shot a girl. Then they shot a young boy in his eye and the bullet came out of his ear. She said that 4 people were shot. At least one person dead has been confirmed. People arrested one of the Baseeji militia but the three others ran away when they ran out of bullet. At around 8 we went back on foot. On the way back people were still in the street and were chanting Allah Akbar (God is Great). I was coming home at around 2 a.m. In parkway, I saw about ten buses full of armed riot police parked on the side of the street. Then I saw scattered militia in civil clothes with clubs in hand patroling the empty streets.

In Tajrish Square, I saw a very young boy (around 16) with a club who was looking at the cars to see if he can find something to attack. I don’t know how and under what teachings can young boys change into militia. I came home. Tomorrow, people will gather again in Valiasr Square for another peaceful march toward the IRIB building which controls all the media and which spreads filthy lies.

The day before Yesterday, Ahmadinejad had hold his victory ceremony. Government buses had transported all his supporters from nearby cities. There was full coverage of that ceremony where fruit juice and cake was plenty. A maximum of 100,000 had gathered to hear his speech. These included all the militia and the soldiers and all supporters he could gather by the use of free TV publicity. Today, at least 2 million came only relying on word of mouth while reformists have no newspaper, no radio, no TV.

All their internet sites are filtered as well as social networks such as facebook. Text messaging and mobile communication was also cut off during the demonstration. Since yesterday, the Iranian TV was announcing that there is no license for any gathering and riot police will severely punish anybody who may demonstrates. Ahmadinejad called the opposition as a bunch of insignificant dirt who try to make the taste of victory bitter to the nation. He also called the western leaders as a bunch of “filthy homosexuals”.

All these disgusting remarks was today answered by that largest demonstration ever. Older people compared the demonstration of today with the Ashura Demonstration of 1979 which marks the downfall of the Shah regime and even said that it outnumbered that event. The militia burnt a house themselves to find the excuse to commit violence. People neutralized their tactic to a large degree by their solidarity, their wisdom and their denial to enage in any violent act. I feel sad for the loss of those young girls and boys. It is said that they also killed 3 students last night in their attack at Tehran University residence halls. I heard that a number of professors of Sharif University and AmirKabir University (Tehran Polytechnic) have resigned. Democracy is a long way ahead. I may not be alive to see that day. With eyes full of tear in these early hours of Tuesday 16th June 2009, I glorify the courage and bravery of those martyrs and I hope that their blood will make every one of us more committed to freedom, to democracy and to human rights. Viva Freedom, Viva Democracy, Viva Iran.

p.s.: If you find this report of any value, please share it with as many people as possible. Facebook is filtered and internet is very slow in Iran. Please somebody put this on facebook.

مطلب را به بالاترين بفرستيد: Balatarin



so where are you going?


Tuesday, June 16


so where have you been?



hearts and minds

so obama has not dropped the ban on gays in the military. he has not broached the subject of queer marriage. for some reason, a lot of gay people get in to linguistic programs in the military so there is a shortage of valuable arabic and pashtun translators in iraq, paskistan and afghanistan. thus, it makes it harder to coloinalize these places. so is the ban on gays in the military a good idea? it makes the war harder to fight due to an inablity to use propaganda and enlist local people to participate in US operations effectivly. so should i be glad that obama is just being a fucking politician and not dealing with queer issues? at the gym today some frathole with huge diamond earrings in both ears (hilariously faggy) made fun of my wearing pink shorts. i blew it. i wanted to turn around and get into, "you got a problem muthafucker." but i was so stunned by this sort of thing in a public place i didn't do anything. he looked like the kind of shitty person who would be in the military. it seems like his prejudice could get him killed in the desert because no one around him could understand what people are trying to tell him.


Monday, June 15


two green things

there is newly discovered rain forest in mozambique.
it is exciting to know that it had always been there untouched by modern science and that now, new life will reveal itself to us.
it is sad to know that it is now in the mental fold of the great destroyer.
maybe we will let it stay free!
iran is trying so hard to be free too. go iran! go iran! go iran!
be safe and be careful!
the green scarf and the green chameleon.
love and strength to you!


Saturday, June 13


says edmund white-

"actually, there may be only 20 years in all of human history when people where free to do what they wanted to, which is between 1960 (the advent of the birth control pill) and 1980 and the beginning of AIDS..."






it's Christmas for somebody


Friday, June 12



is it still exercise if you lift weights with one hand while drinking a smoothie with the other?
and are watching south park?
no... not really...
oh God
this question is so dumb
it is so dumb i can't not post it
i thought it was a real question but
it is not
i am too tired to read for like the last 12 days
this is what happens it seems


Thursday, June 11


The other day I saw an army man at Whole Foods. We will be in Afghanistan for 3 to 10 more years.

Wednesday 10 June: 36 dead


Thi Qar

Bathaa: car bomb kills 35, inc. 5 children.

: 1 body found.

Operation Enduring Freedom


February 12, 2009 - Australian special forces soldiers killed 5 Afghan children in an attack on a compound in Uruzgan province in southern Afghanistan.

March 2009 - A Danish smoke grenade that hit a kitchen during the course of fighting with insurgents flung a little girl against a wall, killing her. The Afghan child's death occurred at the start of March during joint military action with British soldiers in the province of Helmand.

April 9, 2009 - American-led military forces killed four civilians - a man, a woman, and two children - as well as an unborn baby in an overnight U.S. raid in the eastern province of Khost.




i just shaved my eyebrows off.


Wednesday, June 10


nepal pals


Tuesday, June 9



bats in the belfry,
out of one's mind,
not in one's right mind,
non compos mentis,
mad as a hatter,
mad as a March hare;
informal mental,
really nice i mean too nice, like a swan
nutty as a fruitcake,
off one's rocker,
not right in the head,
round/around the bend,
raving mad,
with a screw loose,
not all there,
out to lunch,
out of one's tree,



i felt awful. i supposed that doing things you hated was the price you paid to avoid your only friend in town. who is not even a human.

but is an overly sexualized fruit. if you say macabre charade with an english accent it will rhyme.




New Album
Dear God, I Hate Myself.

Gray Death
Chocolate Makes You Happy
Apple for a Brain
House Sparrow
Hyunhye's Theme
Dear God, I Hate Myself
Secret Motel
Falkland Rd.
The Fabrizio Palumbo Retaliation
Cumberland Gap
This Too Shall Pass Away (for Freddy)
Impossible Feeling

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