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Saturday, January 31


get up.

i went into whole foods with miya.

as i looked at all the apples and other fruits and vegetables my spirits risened.

i never noticed that before.

looking at all the produce at once made me livelier.

i wouldn't say happier, just lifted.

i think it was because of the affirmation of the diversity of life.

then i did the thing where i buy one of every apple.

11 different apples.

i imagine a world where the dominance of only a few strains of apples crumbles.

where every apple is different.

where everything collapses on itself.

and the sunlight shines brightly.

regardless of what you feel inside your body.

and consciousness is nothing.

just a grain of sand amongst a world of everything else.

we will destroy you.

before you destroy us.


5 minutes after i wrote what is above, i looked up a michael pollan article to find this:

"Commercial apples represent only a fraction of the Malus gene pool," he said, "and it's been shrinking. A century ago there were several thousand different varieties of apples being grown; now, most of the apples we grow have the same five or six parents: Red Delicious, Golden Delicious, Jonathan, McIntosh and Cox's Orange Pippin."



if you get a chance please record your cat making any noise and email it to me.

"why do i want to slit my wrist and cover your face in blood sometimes?"

"because you do not have any and it seems like an exciting abstraction."

"your whole physical being is an abstraction you 'cat'. "

"you should just fucking do it."


Thursday, January 29


a pied kingfisher and a pink backed pelican walk into a bar...


Wednesday, January 28

dear europe,

it's time to get over your nasty habits.

this is the dawn of a new era.

come and join as we move forward.

it's time to put out those cigarettes!



do you ever...

i am curious yellow
over and over


Tuesday, January 27


Ahmed says he watched his 4-year-old brother, Nissar — then older brothers Ismael, 15, and Izhaq, 13 — bleed to death.

Senior U.N. officials and human rights activists are calling for an independent probe of alleged violations of the laws of warfare by Hamas militants and Israeli soldiers during the recent fighting in the Gaza Strip.

Hamas is accused of using Palestinian civilians as human shields and indiscriminately targeting Israeli civilians. Israel is accused of using disproportionate force in civilian areas and failing to protect civilians — especially in the case of the Samouni family. At least 29 members of that extended family were killed by Israeli fire during the war.

Dazed and dirty, 9-year-old Abdullah Samouni walks around the ruined landscape of his Zeitoun neighborhood on the southern edge of Gaza City. Recorded readings of the Quran drift out from a makeshift mourning tent. Almost all of the homes and greenhouses that belonged to this large farming family have been flattened.

The piles of rubble evoke an earthquake — except for the thick tracks and tread marks in the dirt from Israeli tanks and armored bulldozers. Gaping holes scar the few Samouni homes that are still standing.

Abdullah says he and some 20 of his relatives hid in one bedroom of their house when Israeli ground forces swarmed into Zeitoun around 6:30 a.m. on Sunday, Jan. 4. Abdullah says he remembers the red laser light from the soldiers' rifle sights darting around the dark room. One soldier, Abdullah says, asked his father to come forward.

"We were sitting in the bedroom, and the soldiers asked, 'Who is the owner of the house?' My dad went out with his hands up, and the Israeli soldier shot him immediately in the doorway," Abdullah recalls.

His father, 46-year-old Atiyeh, died instantly. One of Abdullah's brothers, 22-year-old Faraj Samouni, says he and others shouted "Children! Children!" in Hebrew as soldiers moved toward the bedroom, some firing their automatic rifles.

Witnesses say the survivors — some wounded — were eventually allowed to leave that house. Many fled to Wa'el al-Samouni's home nearby.

Death Of Three Brothers

Short and frail, Ahmed Samouni looks younger than his 16 years. He says at dawn on Monday, Jan. 5, after about 90 Samounis had taken shelter in Wa'el's house, the shelling began again.

Ahmed's brown eyes look vacant as he describes the chaos as shells hit the house.

"They hit us with a bomb. Many in the house were killed; many were injured. My brother Izhaq was bleeding for two days. He was full of holes. I remember I gave him two tomatoes to eat. It was all he had before he died," Ahmed says.

Doctors and family members say the initial shelling killed 22 Samouni family members inside Wa'el's house. In the confusion and panic, roughly 50 others fled the partially collapsed house. Many of those, Ahmed says, were wounded. Nine people were left behind, including Ahmed; his mother, 42-year-old Laila; and at least three of his brothers.

Ahmed says he watched his 4-year-old brother, Nissar — then older brothers Ismael, 15, and Izhaq, 13 — bleed to death.

"My brother Nissar was in kindergarten. What's his fault? Why to get him shot? He's 4 years old. He was with my mother. She was hugging him when he died. My brother Ismael kept bleeding for two hours … and then he died. God grant us mercy," Ahmed says.

Medical Crews Unable To Reach Wounded

The Samounis' part of Zeitoun sits on slightly elevated farmland, key terrain for the Israeli army to control the southern approach to Gaza City. Witnesses say over the years militants have regularly launched rockets at Israel from the orange groves around the area.

But witnesses say there was little or no resistance here when the Israelis attacked. Evidence on the ground supports that: There are almost no casings from AK-47 rounds or remnants of rocket-propelled grenades — the main weapons of Hamas militants.

Witnesses in the area say Israeli soldiers knew there were wounded civilians in the Samouni houses but ignored pleas for help. Attempts to contact Palestinian emergency services proved fruitless.

Dr. Bashar Murad directs the emergency medical division at the Palestinian Red Crescent Society in Gaza.

"In the first two days of the ground offensive, we got 140 emergency calls for help from the Zeitoun area alone," he says.

Murad says in past attacks, the Israeli army had coordinated with the Red Cross and Red Crescent and had treated wounded civilians. So he was hopeful when he got the green light from the military on Jan. 4 to send an ambulance into Zeitoun.

But when Red Crescent driver Mohammed Shriteh drove his ambulance down Salahadin road into Zeitoun on Jan. 4 around 10:30 a.m., he says he was met by two Israeli tanks, an armored bulldozer and dismounted infantry. Shriteh says the soldiers then signaled him to stop and told him to get out of the car and strip off his shirt.

"They told me to lay down on the ground on my stomach. A soldier stood next to me and searched me. I told him that I'm from the Red Crescent. The soldiers just kept telling me, 'Shut up! Shut up!' They made some phone calls to I don't know who. Then they told me to just drive away and leave the area quickly," he says.

Shriteh drove off, frightened and worried. Murad says medics tried to give emergency medical advice to wounded Samouni family members over the phone. The Red Crescent and Red Cross were denied access to Zeitoun for three more days. The Red Cross finally reached the wounded and dead on the afternoon of Wednesday, Jan. 7.

Violations Of Rules Of War On Both Sides

Attorney Jonathan Drimmer is a war-crimes expert and former top prosecutor for special investigations and war crimes in the U.S. Justice Department.

"You must permit the treatment of civilians who are injured or even noncombatants who are injured. You must permit them medical care," he says.

Drimmer says information available so far suggests that serious violations of the rules of war were committed by both sides. The case against Hamas, Drimmer says, seems clear-cut.

"I think there is no question that Hamas did violate the rules of war by firing indiscriminately into civilian areas. They've done it over a substantial period of time, deliberately targeting civilian areas," he says.

Drimmer says the allegations against Israel — including charges the army used disproportionate force, failed to protect civilians and denied them medical care — all warrant further investigation.

"Anytime you have allegations of summary executions, of denial of medical care, of unnecessary deaths of civilians, it is greatly troubling; it is exactly what the laws of war are designed to prohibit," he says.

Calls For Investigations Into Alleged Abuse

The U.N.'s top human rights official, Navi Pillav, has already said the events in Zeitoun warrant a full probe. Israel Defense Forces spokesman Capt. Benjamin Rutland says the military is taking the allegations seriously.

"The investigation into the allegations of incidents in Zeitoun is ongoing. It is an investigation, which is being done at the command level, which is the highest level at the IDF. We're taking this very seriously. And we believe it's more important to do a very thorough investigation than to return something quickly," he says.

The prospect that either side will be held to account for any wartime abuse seems dim. There is evidence that after the fighting ended, Hamas militants here have beaten and, in some cases, shot Palestinian opponents and intimidated civilians into not talking to investigators or the media about Hamas' conduct during the fighting.

On the Israeli side, Prime Minister Ehud Olmert this week dismissed what he called the "moral acrobatics" of human rights groups, which he said have ignored years of Hamas rocket fire.

Olmert nonetheless ordered his justice minister to prepare legal teams to protect soldiers and officers from any war-crimes charges stemming from the Gaza operation. And Israel's military censor has barred publication of any pictures or names of field commanders who served in the Gaza offensive.


Sunday, January 25


why have i been thinking about butters all the time ?

seriously why why why why why why why why why?



so when i saw this photo i thought, "maybe i'm not such a big asshole after all."

this feeling will pass of course, but i will take it, if for only a moment.


Saturday, January 24


blog when you are drunk, so unrestrained truth reveals itself

some things for the new year:

- fucking, just stand up straight and fix your fucking back, stop slouching

- don't be cynical, just don't do it, if you are going to do it, just think, hipster attitude = cynicism - that should keep you away

- don't waste your time reading stuff you don't understand, it's a waste of time, if you don't understand it, take it slow, if you still don't, take it slower and get out the dictionary and be online to cross reference shit you need to know before reading it

- try to learn something new everyday, even if its tiny.

- when you open your eyes in the morning, just get up, you don't need to lay there half asleep thinking about nothing wasting the day away, just get up and start the day

- don't waste your time thinking dumb negative thoughts. no, this isn't about being hyper-positive, this is about being efficient. just don't waste your time doing shit that doesn't matter. and come on, don't give the lame comment, "well what matters anyways?" - you already know nothing matters anyways, and so get over that, b/c it's a waste of time juggling that around, OK, welcome, now go.

- if someone messes with your friend either punch them in their face or teach them to be a better person - don't do nothing. teach them, that will be good, but if you can't, punch them in their face.

- if ches posts his european dates and you are in the same town, just go. whey not? what do you got to lose? absolutely nothing. just a few fucking euros and a few hours you'd spend online. just fucking go. the show will be good, carla will be good, just fucking do it. if you are poor and you have no money, and you seriously have no money, and you aren't one those people who say they have no money but really do (like me and my friends) then just go there and hang outside and listen from the sidewalk. i did that once. i looked so pathetic it was lame. i was with my friend elaine. we stood there in downtown LA outside the fancy rocco show where ches was playing at some italian restaurant. then devin saw us and he told us to come in. someone will see you and let you in. and if they don't, just listen from the outside. come on. come on. come on.



Ches Smith's CONGS FOR BRUMS EU dates

all shows opening for Carla Bozulich's Evangelista

Jan 20: Rome, Italy @ Circolo degli
Jan 21: Milan, Italy @ Casa 139
Jan 22: Faenza, Italy @ Clandestino
Jan 23: Rovoreto, Italy @ Teatro Alla Catiera
Jan 24: Padova, Italy @ Stalker
Jan 25: Torino, Italy @ United
Jan 27: Marseilles, France @ e'lembobineuse
Jan 28: Barcelona, Spain @ Apolo
Jan 29: Madrid, Spain @ Moby Dick
Jan 30: Lisboa, Portugal @ ZB Gallery
Jan 31: Leiria, Portugal @ Fade in Festival
Feb 01: Vigo, Spain @ Contemporary Art Museum



Friday, January 23


bird list 1/23/09 durham NC

so it must be obvious by quippage alone that i am not digging
one consolation about moving would be that there are different birds in the southeast
than there are in the west. but it is nice to see familiar faces too.
thank you remaining and feeble biodiversity
mind you these are all common feathered friends but i see them as friends nonetheless.
thank you seed and bug eaters for getting me past my hollow, geographically strained heart
eh hem- thee...
white throated sparrow
white crowned sparrow
slate colored junco
white winged junco
yellow throated warbler
pine warbler
solitary vireo
cedar waxwing
eastern bluebird
hermit thrush
carolina wren
red breated nuthatch
white breated nuthatch
tufted titmouse
carolina chickadee
eastern phoebe
downy woodpecker
yellow bellied sapsucker
mourning dove
great blue heron


Thursday, January 22


get down.

i once went to a small okinawan island. it took two planes, freighter ship, a ferry, and a bicycle. It could have been faster. I could have flown from LA to Naha, taken a private jet to another island, then a ferry or two to the island I was on. but regardless. i went to the southern most island. it was way at the bottom. near taiwan. there are a cluster of okinawan islands down there called the yaeyama islands. i wanted to go to the very end of japan, so i went there. i remember i was sitting there on the floor, and then all of a sudden it hit me. and then i was like, "fuck, what the fuck? i'm like so far away from anything, and it found me down here, how did it find me? I thought I could escape everything." or when you are walking in Berlin, and you know exactly what it feels like in its beginning stages, kind of like catching the flu, and you can feel it in your stomach very slightly. then it grows bigger. oh well, what can you do?


last year i took a photo of the sky and emailed it to people
some complicated technological things happened which prevented me to continue to send them how i started it
this is the new subscription email list for 2009
i advertise myself
there is a tumblr

atleast i don't advertise it with sex


Wednesday, January 21


xiu xiu book club

thank you !!!!! the pyramid is on the verge of collapse!
the return of depression economics by paul krugman
elementary particles
flannery o'connor complete stories by
4 dada suicides by Arthur Cravan, Jacques Rigaut, Julien Torma & Jacques Vaché
the taoist body by kristofer schipper
jps hebrew-english tanakh, particularly the torah 5 books of moses, in tandem with the bedside torah by rabbi bradley shavit artson
invisible cities - italo calvino
the rise of the creative class - richard florida
man and his symbols - c g jung
on kissing, tickling, and being bored - adam philips
total work of art - matthew wilson smith
The Collected Stories of Amy Hempel written by amy hempel
Kiss of the Spider Woman by Manuel Puig
the sun also rises" -hemingway
"laurier blanc" (white oleander) janet fitch .
"the teaching of buddha" -bukkyo dendo kyokai
One Place After Another: site specific art and locational identity (miwon kwon)
Norwegian wood (Hauki Murakami)
Road Novels 1957-1960: On the Road. Dharma Bums. Subterraneans. Tristessa. Lonesome Traveler. (Jack Kerouac)
Relational Aesthetics (Nicolas Bourriaud)
The Castle (Franz Kafka)
Roadmap to Korean by Richard Harris
Out Stealing Horses by Per Petterson
hopscotch by julio cortázar
the exterminator by william burroughs
"Ecrits poétiques" by Christophe Tarkos.
city dreaming /sonic youth
the dialectic of sex: the case for feminist revolution by shulamith firestone
friedrich nietzsche - thus spoke zarathustra
timothy j. lambert - best gay erotica 07
pimp by ice berg slim
"i am currently reading the local penny savers every day because i am fucking broke"
east of eden by john steinbeck
Noise/Music: A History by Paul Hegarty
The Sexual Life of Robinson Crusoe by Humphrey Richardson
Chris Ware - Jimmy Corrigan The Smartest Kid on Earth
Oscar Wilde - the picture of dorian gray
Hector Oesterheld - The eternaut
matylda ("i am not dead", j.s.)
birds through a ceiling of alabaster
the mysterious flame of queen loana by umberto eco
bieguni by olga tokarczuk
the shanghai union industrial mystics by nury vittachi
"Organic Chemistry" by John McMurray
"Cellular and Molecular Immunology" by Abul K. Abbas, Andrew H. Lichtman, and Shiv Pillai
"Grendel" by John Gardner
"Kusamakura" by Natsume Soseki
"Cane" by Jean Toomer
"Dictee" by Theresa Hak Kyung Cha




New Album
Dear God, I Hate Myself.

Gray Death
Chocolate Makes You Happy
Apple for a Brain
House Sparrow
Hyunhye's Theme
Dear God, I Hate Myself
Secret Motel
Falkland Rd.
The Fabrizio Palumbo Retaliation
Cumberland Gap
This Too Shall Pass Away (for Freddy)
Impossible Feeling

Buy on iTunes


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