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Wednesday, January 31


510 587 3204 (usa country code 01)

510 587 3204 (USA COUNTRY CODE 01)if need be
will change everyday God willing. today is the first one.

i already said thAT last night
. we are not going to listen to any of the messages so don't leave one but the amazing thing is is that becasue of this you can say anything you want and it will go nowhere. you could start a secret war, an invisible war, an unknowable war, total disentigrated nothingness.

the week is about dreams. as with everything the more you do the more
open and knowledgeable you become.

sometime it will be recording documentary. sometime it will be banjo. sometime it wil be chapters from a terrible book i wrote, some time it will be heavy breathing, sometime david will think of better things and then it will inspire me to think of better things. then we will ask friends. then we will ask strangers. then it will get fucked up and we will just ask friends. already it is becoming short musical pieces that will only last that one day. the sound of wanking or walking in bolivia. haiku of the day improv? NO NO NO!!!!!!!!!!!
a curatorail temporary moment of sound and vox.
FUCK YOU i can sense your envy.
this week -
see yesterdays posts. go back in time. to the now of yesteryear....................................................i ........................this


Tuesday, January 30


hot line

in the morning
there will be a
xiu xiu hotline
it will be an every week long audio art project that will change everyday and it will last until i do not fee(L) like paying for it
the first week is hosted by me, TCB, pure mouth, no fillings j to the a to the gh to the m to i to the yert

don't worry!!!!! it is just starting and will get WAAAAAAYYYYYYY better
it is going to be more than just a diary but we have to learn how to
i hope it makes you want to fuck up




Friday, January 26


alright now!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

bill ward
bill ward bill ward!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
thanks joe!!!!!!




I don't really know anything about drums or drumming, but this guy right here is kinda blowing my mind.



my last blog was lame and drunk sounding. rent the movie japon if you can

own digging, and there is not hand to drag out by her new waved locks.
Dear lady, we are
sorrowing for
our departed
friends, who
have had
to leave
for home
already! but
we are still
there, and
the season
tickets that
will take
us over the hills and mountains are at our warm breasts.
we don't wish
to give offence,
but you've set
up your safe
house in the
unsafest of places,
so that you
might just as
well have none
at all. the
sun screws these
youngsters by setting
up too early,
but in the
dark they will
pair off promptly once again, too.
it is our right
to scale mountains, and
no rules govern our
conduct there but the
law of gravity. in
amazment we swerve and
give way to eachother,
but at times we
take the wrong direction:
never gob or slash that way or you'll get your own self straight back."


Thursday, January 25


american fascist by chris hedges

so daniel craig...
grew up in chester, england.
ches grew up in sacramento, usa
caralee grew up in seattle, usa
david grew up in san pedro, usa
i, jim the paper boy, grew up attached to the teat of dionysus, usa
on chirstmas this year ches and miya and i went to denny's in sacramento at abnout 9:40 pm.
it was packed and filthy.

did you know joseph conrad was born in urkrane and his first language
was polish and although he lived in england he hung out with stephen crane?
so... how did that happen? there are 20,000 gang members in the san fernando valley. do they all hang out together too?

new bird on the balcony! yellow capped sparrow!! exciting. and the unsual but not new nuthalls woodpecker. nuthall (or is it nutall) has a few birds attributed.
jim the paper boy's sea scoter is all i have.
aside from that i think our new record will have 12 songs or 13 songs. i have a chart of levels of completion. there is one for everyrecord. they are in a drawer i hope. i saw it in a U2 with brian eno photo. third uncle.
david horvitz just texted me and said he saw raymond pettibone at deerhoof at the elray. this makes me jealous. i get jealous of everything now. it is a TOTAL WASTE OF AN EMOTION! why isn't he at my house instead? this is very very reasonable.
my new cat is named doris. i am jealous that she has commondered my chair. that she has the confidence to create a space for herself. like a crazed evangelical manifest destiny belgian congo king leopold and king texan of iraq. i am not sure she i happy in my house. but then NIETHER AM I BABY OI OI OI oi oi oi ooioo.
my niece suggested her to be named popcorn machine
my nephew suggested buttons. both fine selections so depending on who is over it will be P.M. or B. or D.


Wednesday, January 24



caralee just said she "does not like to act"


Tuesday, January 23


praise for saying racist words? you are full of shit. oh and i know the person who sent you "hate" mail. she'll make you cry. move on. you lost.

so daniel craig the new james bond is so attractive i actaully went out and rented another movie he was in just so i could look at him and hope for an interview in the extras. i think the best part is that he has a really unmanly and almost goofy and goofish laugh. like the sad eye thing came from somewhere real.
OH daniel craig...
in more yuppie corporate entertainment news
so i hadn't heard the mariah single in awhile and even though it is almost old a this point the dance mix is destructivly great. she sounds like a crazy woman singing for her life. who cares!!!!!!!!!! me!!!!!!!!!!!!! why!!!!!!!!!!!

next up fetish collection list
crucible fuzz box
electro harmonix-
big muff (green tank parts russian made)
big muff (black russian made)
lil' big muff (usa made)

dod bad monkey (this should suck but it is good)

box of rock

death by audio-
total sonic anniliation
interstellar overdrive

i need a cool delay
any suggestions? the 3 boss ones i havegone through do not have true bypass and they all keep dying.


Monday, January 22



this is from a long time ago. i assume most people have already seen this, but maybe you haven't... it was in montana. look, from the letters "united we stand" we got:



xiu xiu blargh

ongoing racial debates will now be discussed through email. i got my first bit of hate mail today, after a string of emails that were full of praise. i KNEW there was a catch.

to be honest, though. the only thing i feel bad about is unknowingly causing a shit storm of unending debate on the XIU XIU blog which i was so kindly invited to post on.

hear that? xiu xiu blog. caralee's right.

and to the girl who emailed me today, i will reply. i'm just exhausted.

we should have stuck to talking about sex this whole time.

and imperial teen. that's a good band, right there. imperial teen.



xiu xiu are not racists

for the love of god and everything else good on earth can the stupid bullshit about racist words stop!!!! nobody in xiu xiu is a racist ok? thats all the matters. im so fucking bored of my own bands website i want to cry. all of the conversations that have taken place on here have been pondered by myself and im sure everyone that writes on the blog and everyone who reads the blog since they were 13. im so over talking about shit that i talked about when i was 13. hey i have an idea! why dont we talk about our BAND? or MUSIC? or anything interesting? FUCK!

new topic(though its not a life changing topic anything new will do for now):

jamies cat

jamie got a cat who is really fat, but amazingly sweet, cute, sassy and funny. we have her on a vigorous diet and work out plan to lose those extra el bees. heh! no name yet... any ideas fellow bloggers? jamie wants to maybe name her a human name. i like laura.


Sunday, January 21


i thought it ended a while ago?

i wrote a bunch of stuff here but my computer crashed. bottom line. i agree with you. people are not separate from what they say and do. but it is up to the individual hearing and not saying certain things to not be offended by certain words that hold power, and not the responsibility of the rest of us to not say certain words that hold power. the impact of these words is up to the individual hearing them. what is the "right thing", anyway?

i didn't realize i came across as freaking out and ranting. my brain's going to implode due to massive rock overload.

if context was a way out, what would it be a way out of? it's hard for me to try and decipher this.

are you implying that i can't say certain words unless they directly apply to me? because that would cause just as much offense. so does it really matter if the word is applicable to it's target or not?

tact should always be optional, because if tact is enforced by someone/anyone, any group of people (no matter how much they are in the majority), if tact is enforced to a particular vision of what is tactful, then you get fascim, and fascism is worse than racism.

good sex IS antagonistic, but i can't stick an opinion on racism to this. and i don't think i'm getting your full point. but if you wanted to hurt me in "bed" and i wanted you to hurt me in "bed" then it would be freeing and beautiful, and not confining and ultimatly a part of genderism. i don't see how it COULD be a part of genderism. i can't grasp that. at all.

should we shake hands now and just forget this until the next time one of us is totally drunk?

at least we agree that this is getting boring.

with love. and by love i mean love and not racism.



it's not my imagiation i've got a gun to my head

this email i just wrote sums up the night:

it's ok. let me know when you are free and we can go get dinner or something. when i start work in a few weeks i'm going to be working 14 hour days so we'll see what my life turns into. i almost didn't go out, but then decided to, which was good because i met bas jan ader's widow (i still have a crazy story to tell you) and the receptionist girl at patrick painter knew me so she turned me into a "client" and is sending me some out of print BJA books. Wowwww! And then I saw Raymond Pettibon at the culver galleries so I wrote a black flag lyric on a piece of paper (his brother was in black flag, and he made all the flyers) and i tapped him on the shoulder, gave it to him, and then ran away. haha. he's crazy so i'm sure he was amused. i feel like i'm still running.



RAYMOND PETTIBON!!!!!!!!! FUckkkkkkkkkkkkk yEAH!!!!!!!!!!! oh, and i saw freddy ruppert the dance master mosh pitter. fuckkkkk.


Saturday, January 20


decisions, decisions.


Friday, January 19


xiu xiu abuse

i could either talk about what's going on in my head.

i could either talk about certain opinions i have on just about every subject known to man.

or i could do this.




Thursday, January 18

i think of jamie stewart and sam mickens when i spoon out the mayonaise and mix it with the can tuna. i think of caralee when i think of the tuna, when we were in a mansion in washington dc. i think of angela when i open the bag of kimchee. i wonder if you will still fuck me if you know that i am about to eat a kimchee tuna sandwhich. yummmmmmm.

NEED ADVICE NOW!!! it's my grandmother's b-day - i just bought her a tres leches cake from the cuban bakery - looks so good. i'm thinking i should give her the new ANP b/c there is a polaroid of her standing w/ ches in it. should i?????? if i give it to her she'll also see jamie getting peed on in the toilet, me looking very lascivious, bloody noises, bloody hands, ches flipping off a piece of bread on the TV. Fuck, what should I do? i should give it to her to show her she is no famous! fuck! i don't even have an extra copy - i will bike to ooga booga right now to get one and then, yes, ahhhhhh!

there's an art-show opening here tonight: the west LA one - it's a poster show. i have a poster in it. the poster says "xiu xiu" on it. oh, it's thursday incase you don't know when this is posted. it's at 7pm i think. they spelled my name "horovitz" - i don't know if i'm going but you should go.


Tuesday, January 16


fuck it all?

fags started calling themselves fags to take power away from those who'd call them that word derogatorily.

the word lost power because people stopped giving it power by making it more special than other words.

150 years ago the preferred term for afro americans was coloured folk, over "nigger". and then later it became negro but then that became associated with all the negative history that was associated with coloured folk. now, we're at the point where the preferred term is person of colour. see how it all comes back? slightly different, though... what jamie was saying about his highschool. racially, people are sensitive about these words because of the historical context of these words. and we just keep changing what the appropriate word is, but eventually, whatever the current word becomes common will eventually be associated with the negative. you can't avoid that.

the offense taken with these words will continue to be taken offensive until the social issues that make people so fucking uncomfortable about these words are corrected. so get out your protest records and imagine EVERYONE BEING THE SAME. is that really better? no. so shut up.

the bums that she calls homeless still aren't eating. and the broads that she calls womyn still get raped.

i'm rambling on and on, but to speak about political correctness for a second. i agree with david. the idea of political correctness is not offending anybody unless completely unavoidable. so i think it's clear that there is no such thing as a white.. or.. pure politically correct human being. so why do we try? trying does nothing but accent the problem. it's like you go through a book and there's a sentence in that book that you're absolutely disgusted by. and you highlight the sentence with a highlighter and it does nothing but draws attention to it.

or... it's more like you black that sentence out, and it gives that sentence a mysterious power that is almost equivalent to highlighting it. whereas if that same sentence was written on every page of the book, clear, uncensored, it would have less power.

political correctness tries to correct what people think by correcting what they say. it doesn't change how they think, it changes how they talk and not in the politically correct way. we're all like suburban pseudo rebellious teenagers who get said no to, so we do it over the top.

people will always apply their own racism in a politically correct manner. for example, conservative radio talk show hosts. they might believe that the majourity of blacks are lazy and criminal, but they're not going to say that. they're going to say that people of african descent are... etc. but not even that clear as day. they have their sneaky ways of public racism. they're going to say "statistics have shown..." or "a recent survey of african americans aged 18-35 has shown..."

this one's obvious. you can say the word fuck to somebody and they'll cringe. you can say sex. but you can't say fuck. fuck it. there's no point. i don't even know why i'm still going on with this post. you're all extremists.

i think we can all agree that there's too much sensitivity with certain issues, it just depends on which issues with some people. clearly i hit a nerve with racial slurs. everyone draws their own line. unfortunately i don't have a line, and now i've got to keep an eye out for everybody else's line. i just hope to god i can still type the word "women" and not "womyn". if the feminazis get on my case for writing something now, i'm walking down the street in nazi gear. what i just wrote. that definitely hit a nerve with somebody. i thought i had a point, but it left my head. oh well.

even my token joke, the nacho cheese. that was originally a racist joke. and i would have always said it in it's entirety if i had remembered the whole thing. somebody's smoking too much crack. racism, skinheads, crack, opiates, nazi gear... this is oshawa. i'm dead serious. fuck valentics. this is my home town. there's an evil genius here from my home town. m. macgyver. i posted his picture a while ago. we were talking about this exact same thing earlier.

racist speech should not be prevented. it should be dissected and debated to expose the misconceptions and falsehoods contained within.

hate crime laws are complete crap. threats are threats; assault is assault; and murder is murder. a motive is part of the way guilt is determined AFTER a crime is commited. the motive should never be treated as a crime itself. making motives for crime, a crime in and of itself, creates what is essentially thoughtcrimes. this form of fascist censorship is mind control. racism is a thought process, and a stupid one at that... stupidity should be discouraged by education, not punishment. the world would be full of prisons if stupidity was a criminal.

racism isn't based in fear or hate, it is infact a form of love. narcissistic in origin, it's the natural tendancy to prefer things that are not unlike yourself. everyone is a racist to some degree... unless you hate yourself.

what is racism a fear of? people and cultures that are different than your own. why do you fear them? because you're threatened by competing on the same level. why are you threatened? because you believe that the things you're familiar with and the people that resemble you are somehow superior. why do you believe that? because you're a narcissist unaware of your primal desire to group with others of your kind. you don't need to hate to be a racist, you only need to think your kind is better. racism is love.

being proud you were born black/white/gay/straight/italian/irish/muslim/christian/whatever, makes no sense to me at all. i draw the line at taking pride in anything you have no direct control over. i recognize that tendancy is based out of our evolutionary process and survival instinct. it's natural to love and want to protect your own... that instinct is just as stupid as pride. but i accept both as long as they don't infringe on other people's freedoms.

julio, are women allowed to say cunt because they may be one, or they own one? i have no idea where this sexist debate came in here. but if anybody has any problem with anything i say, for the love of satan, don't email some poor guy that has nothing to do with something that comes out of my mouth (unless one day he gets a tour bus) about it. talk to me directly. at sinisterfunkhouse at hotmail dot com.

while posting this, i came back and forth from the premiere of american idol. that's useless debate people have. laugh at the people, feel bad about it, and go on. fuck it.

is anything next? birth control? suicide? drugs? homosexuality? american idol? pop culture? that whole post modernism debate? canada? america? iraq? george bush? (please, not george bush.)

fuck it all.


look at this on ebay



unvierstiy suicide bombed today in iraq

american reporter
"do you think it will get worse if the americans pull out of iraq?"
iraqi citizen, after a pause
"how could it get any worse?"

BP oil worker after refinery accident
"it was raining fire. there was a radio on my hip. i could hear men screaming but i could not help them. they were buring."


I hate politically correct. i just got a last poet's record from my friend and i play it really loud. "nigger's are scared of the revolution." fuck, it's so good. i read this interesting thing a while ago that described the transition of black music from being about black-power and revolution and politcs to about gangs and drugs and violence.

I think Miranda can say what she wants because she is describing someone - she is putting them into a defined cultural context. She is placing them in a certain historical moment. You can't ignore any of that. Like, when we listened to, what was it, Mark Twain?, Huck Finn?, I don't remember - and they always used the word "nigger" because it was the world they lived in and you can't ignore that world that makes words like that possible. you can argue about what the words mean, but I am just talking about the context that they are used in, the whole system.

Does being PC put yourself outside of history? words are said and understood - what happens in the gap? Also, being PC is presenting another kind of political idealogy - it's another kind of hegemony - and whether it is "better" or not, it should be understood as another diallect, just as using "racist" words are - and you are just in a different political time. Could saying "African-American" today be just like saying "nigger" 150 years ago? Just in a sense that it is conforming to the dominant standard of language.....? I am not talking about what is implied - like violence or prejudice - i am talking purely about language.

but everything just fits within a social context. Like "women." Is there even any essense to the idea of a "women"? No. well, yes of course there is, but that is all "knowledge" - and knowledge is all socialized and created. Imagined identies. same with "man" "american" "white" "chinese" etc... ok, maybe i am being beyond the point b/c i am saying to negate everything - wait a minute, FUCK yeah that is what i am saying. ok, maybe it's just me b/c i believe everything is nothing - or everything when reduced is nothing - or everything is founded from nothing. fuck it! fuck the world, i can make what ever world i want.

(now, am i being overtly romantic in a kind of anarcho-romantic kind of way? spray painted slogans on the streets of paris: I want to live / underneath the paving stones the beach / who wants to live in a world where the gurantee that we shall not die of starvation entails the risk of dying of boredom?)

oh, and there is that situationist text on "active nihilism."


for fuck's sake, how many people am i going to have to sleep with to get out of this one.



tour van

i just made a reservation for our van we're using for tour. i got a kick ass deal and i m super stoked!!! booyah!!!

also i think that everytime somebody wants to be a racist or a sexist on the blog they should say "jamie's", "caralee's", "ches's", "davids" or "mirandas" instead. is that fair? oh also is it okay for me to say the c word because im a woman? like african americans say the n-word to eachother sometimes? or is it not cool? its hard to be politically correct. its hard to be expressive when you dont read books and cant think of words. thats my problem. i can understand being hateful but i try not to do it to anybody but myself. ha! i think people that are hateful really secretly hate themselves. or they are stupid. or they are my cat when i dont let her scratch on the furniture. then she hates me.



jamie's double-standards

>From: "Julius G."
>Subject: racist words on the blog and jamie's double-standards
>Date: Sun, 14 Jan 2007 13:25:32 -0800 (PST)
>I notice you censured your lame friend's use of the word "nipper" and "chink" on the Xiu Xiu blog, yet you encouraged her to replace ''chink'' with the word ''cunt" a word traditionally used by men, like you and I, to demean women. Why do you find it inappropriate for racist words to be used on your blog yet encourage the use of sexist words? My friend Amy believes you could use some sensitivity training regarding women. here are some links for you


Sunday, January 14

what is white? i don't understand what that term means. i know it is a widely used and understand term, but it doesn't make any logical sense. but then, there is no such thing as logic in capitalism. is white racist? are we talking about people or are we talking about power?

below is a link that will stop working in a week to an uncompressed file of a lost film by bas jan ader, a holland born american conceptual artist who tried to sail across the ocean as the third part of a three part art-work in 1975 in a 13 foot boat named, "Ocean Wave" - and never made it - "disappeared at sea." this was found at UCI 15 - 20 years ago (he taught there). i got art connects in LA I got this file that was recorded on a small still digital camera. this has rarely been seen by the public. haha, and now everyone can see it. (the file is huge, only click it if you really want to watch a huge file of an old b/w film). my friend would be so pissed if she saw me posting this here.



klu klux klan/skinhead marathon last night

my mother will be heart broken when she finds out you don't like that word. anyhow that last conversation we had an agreement and i'm a white woman of my word. i told you about the n word thing, (only a couple of hours after i publicly posted to the world my parent's favourite word) and i lit that cigarette up thinking about my dad. who taught me that everyone's a racist but not half as much as what was on tv yesterday. all day.

i came home around two in the afternoon yesterday, sleepless, sexless, hungover, and in the mood for a juicy steak. the witch midget man dropped me off, and then my dad made me a nice steak, with those fancy mushrooms and a baked potato. it hurt to chew at first, so in order to enjoy my meal i chewed on gum for five to ten minutes. it hurt like hell, but it was worth it in the long run. i almost fell asleep while eating until i saw a documentary special on skinheads and white power in alabama. the leader of the skinhead group is now in jail, but he was a good looking man with some serious chops.

there was a clip of the skinheads and the kkk burning the cross and the alabama skinhead leader was holding a small baby, or toddler in his arms. he was pointing up to the cross and teaching this kid the way of white power. she didn't understand, but she will. i never understood such passion for ANYTHING, to talk to a child that age as if he or she is your age with that kind of crazy passion in your eyes. especially if it's passion about something so retarded. sidenote: i just fell asleep in this chair for a good ten minutes.

the music in this documentary was good, though. it reminded me of the punk rock skinheads in oshawa listen to at the dungeon, or formerly at the dungeon. there was even a place in this documentary called the dungeon. it was weird. do i live in a racist city? don't we all? oakland was on that new mtv show about rolling stone magazine last night and i briefly thought of you. this woman was trying to interview people about the music scene in oakland. some gangstas were dancing and rapping on a drive way.

a skinhead talking about schindler's list:

"just what we needed in these hard times, yet another movied about the holy-hoax.... steven spielberg directs this so-called "spell-binding drama" about you-know-what that has been hailed by critics as a "remarkable accomplishment." the only thing "remarkable" about it is that after all these years, hollywood is still churning out this garbage. this shit doesn't even belong in our toilets."

i've never seen it. is this true?

that might be enough for this subject, because i'm honestly becoming concerned for the first time about this issue. for the record. i am not a racist. nor do i believe in white power. nor do i have any problem with any cunts, tiggers, horvitz', or chippers of the world.

from the same man who spoke about life on heroin so well:

"one of the many reasons for the bewildering and tragic character of human existence is the fact that social organization is at once necessary and fatal. men are forever creating such organizations for their own convenience and forever finding themselves the victims of their home-made monsters."

somebody just myspaced me under the witch midget man's profile. this is awesome. "you whore stay off my man."

sounds like music.

two nights ago i spent a lot of time at shaunna's house with that man, just the three of us. we inserted $150 into ourselves and then shaunna put on a promise for me where i vaguely remember not shutting up about it for a while. this reminds me of that documentary again. they were listening to what sounded like thanksgiving of k records fame but it clearly wasn't and now i miss him.

judge of portland called me last night while i was sleeping to a three hours kkk special. that's right. ANOTHER ONE. don't worry. when i woke up, i told him i'd call him tonight and i put on saturday night live which is funny again and i don't care what you say.

white power quotes are just funny, while this one makes you THINK, man... don't smoke pot.

you can turn your back on a person, but never turn your back on a drug, especially when its waving a razor sharp hunting knife in your eye

on that note.

who lives longer: the man who takes heroin for two years and dies, or the man who lives on roast beef, water, and potatoes till ninety-five? one passes his twenty-four months in eternity. all the years of the beef-eater are lived only in time."

he was an lsd fan anyway, and his last words were even on the subject of that mind fuck.

here's a really bad picture of a really good man i took some years ago.

ok i'm done. i don't even know what i just wrote.

edit: you know trading spouses? god warrior is on for a second time around with the same family, i think. two brand new episodes. friday jan. 19th on fox at nine pm. WATCH IT. GARGOYLES! SLYKICKS! AND EVERYTHING IS DARK SIDED!



words can never be neutral


Saturday, January 13


ya basta

you can't say that either
it is not cool
you can right really about anything else but for the sake of humanity and in some small way being human do not use any racist terms on this blog
miranda you are canadian and croatian
you are the whitest
so be nice





Friday, January 12



i saw nikki lee's movie today and someone yelled "jap" at her during the post-screening Q and A. i got pissed - but only because i think i wanted to violently explode onto someone - and it was more of me waiting for an excuse. i guess it wasn't japanese 'jap' but jewish american princess? NL was talking about why there were so many jewish women in her movie (STUPID QUESTION: asking an artists who makes a video that shows art world stuff why there are so many jewish women in her video? - UHH, because rich collectors are jewish. i know this, i sat next to them in NY after uta's opening and drank too much good wine then puked in a taxi - i can say this b/c i'm "horvitz" - and i can say "i'm horvitz take me to israel for free fuckers!!!"

ches smith, nels cline, and friends just played the best show of 2007 at the smell. i swear to fucking god i swear to fucking god i dont need to go to any more shows this year, i swear to fucking god. if i go on the next xiu xiu tour i will sit outside when bands are playing.

my pernod bottle (and french baguette, fiji water, walnuts, armenian feta, black olives) got anilated b/c it was luke's birthday. put oranges in pernod!

i got a box of xiu xiu shirts, i was going to sell them online, but i decided to make a store in my room in LA. xiu xiu shirt store open tomorrow.

(words are words, just utterances, references, scrawled lines and spaces - they are culture and history and everything - they are meaningless yet filled with all the meaning, or make that meaning) (and then there is hate - hate is something different - and it is so fucked beyond belief unless it is aimed at dismantling whatever it is that is fucking you so hard - whether that is traffic or a bunch of 19 year old kids shooting you in the desert or fuck, is this even hate? or is it... fuck where am i going with this?)

john berger is perhaps the greatest living writer.


Thursday, January 11


what about nippers?

dear jamie,

my mom likes to call them nippers. when i get that tattoo, my mom kept saying to my sisters "look, she's going to have a little nipper on her arm! she's smoking too much crack. when's jamie going to call ME? you must have told him bad things about me."

no one can censor me.

which reminds me of the movie strangers with candy which is probably the worst thing i've ever seen in my life. except at the end where we're all racists. it's like madonna. it's so motherfucking true.

i have this friend, james. he plays music under the name tradition, and my beloved friend jeff directed the video for my favourite song by this james fellow. i think you should all see it. it's a beautiful piece of work and you get to see a beautiful amy pop up at the end of the video.

mom's breast cancer turned out to be not breast cancer which disappoints members of the family but clearly puts relief to a few of us as well. you give some, you get some. would you please welcome to the stage... sloan?

insert fucking rock and roll. my birthday is coming up next month. are you going to get me anything?

dear someone:

are we allowed to talk? can i fuck you?

crazy christian of trading spouses fame is coming back to trading spouses for a second time. it's either airing tomorrow night or next friday.

a few nights ago i was watching the series finale of roseanne and it dawned on me. television makes me more emotional than real life. i cried like a baby. i think this is a good thing, since there's a reality debate going on amongst every fucking indie kid at every fucking house party where i'd like to bring a gun and shoot everything that exists.

mister lonely is in the process of editing. want to take me out and have a threesome with harmony korine?

i was going to end this blog, but a little less than a week ago i was put under a form one. this is where you're either a threat to yourself or somebody else. it was all bullshit and i was let out the next morning. the hospital room i was put in was like a little children's room, and the tv was the size of my fist. at least vegas vacation was on. the point to the story is, is that in the private interview room while waiting for the psychiatrist there were two police officers who came in to keep an eye out on me. one of them i've had an encounter with before. this was over a year and a half ago. he remembered me before a minute was up by looking at my face. and then he started to preach, and said i really disappointed him. he started saying i was beautiful, and talented, and an old soul, and was on a fucked up path. and then to his buddy, the other cop... they started talking about how every woman was sexy in montreal, various hockey games, "did you know that officer blah blah was a dyke?" and fuck this fuck that.

and then he asked my sexual orientation. i described myself as a born bisexual who made the choice, like many others, to be straight. he said "i thought for SURE you were bi..."

he was serious. this guy has instincts. do i look like a dyke?

canadian cops are fast and furious and fucking hilarious. my dad wants royalty money for the racial jokes. soon i'll be eating a mixture of pork chops and cigarette ashes.

edit: i just drove somebody out of my life with stories from the circus not even two minutes ago probably for the better. he couldn't handle it. he was always the sensitive type. i wasn't even getting to the death part of it yet, though.




Some might say this is an abuse of this blog space, but who cares what David Horvitz thinks?
I wanted to let folks know about five shows coming up with Mary Halvorson and Jessica Pavone, two women from New York out here on the west coast doing some shows with my other band, Good for Cows. Mary and Jess rule. They do. I very much recommend that you try to check them out.
The first show is in LA at the Smell tonight, so fuck that, its almost over.
the others:
1/12 Friday @ 21grand, Oakland, CA
1/13 Saturday @ Valentine's, Portland, OR
1/15 Monday @ Gallery 1412, Seattle, WA
1/18 Thursday @ Java Lounge, Sacramento, CA




"disappearing fruits from the heavy air tree"

haiku of the day by jamie the bloody snowman and feces slipper circa 2007

white musk in our throat
how we lose weight together
ruined and awake

there is a columbine video game. that is so meta it is meta meta meta meta meta.

sam actually did get married. his bride and her groom look gorgeous.
it is thrilling.


Wednesday, January 10


the last song on the new barr record (narahatam).

i got depressed, and when that happens nothing in the world matters, and money is no exception. i drove to bristol farms on sunset blvd. and bought a bottle of pernod because I had a $5 off coupon if i spend more than $25. i know i could have went to a middle eastern market and got it cheaper, but i'm into the coupon things. i also bought black olives, walnuts, a french baguette, and nice water to use to mix the pernod with. i have some feta i bought from an armenian market a few weeks ago too. i figure i need it all and nothing matters so why not? i'm going to have a drink and make my body feel strange. oh, and the reason why i'm posting this is because when i got to the check out counter, as if destined fate, jamie called me at that exact moment. i had to say, "jamie i'm buying pernod right now i'll call you back." i called him back, but i have to call him back again in a few minutes.

who wants to drink with me? there's a nice staircase off of sunset and mcduff - you can watch the sun go down there. pernod is good with sunsets because it evokes the ephemeral and transient - fleeting moments and thoughts. and the summary stands.

i also tried to go to the beach today at dawn, but i fell back asleep and woke up an hour later only to sit in morning traffic on the 10 on the way to malibu:



Sunday, January 7


two fucking strokes bracelets.

i'm back to the miranda that you know and love.

day one of toxins flowing out of my body:

i pop about eight or nine and get up and shower. by the time we're there, it's eight o'clock am. i pop eight more and dad says how proud of me he is. then we notice a chinese man walking in and he says something like (y' know, miranda *pop pop/puff puff*... five steps for us is like one step for a chink) [by the way, we're not racist. just valentics. who like to make fun of a lot of people for no real good reason. i'm sure a lot of you reading this right now are sensitive in some way, some how, so here's my chance to defend myself even though i shouldn't and this little bracket area will likely be deleted in time]

then my dad started to move his hands like one of those electric walking penguins while BLASTING sympathy for the devil in the car. we chain smoked a bit and he started asking me all these technical questions about drugs and then said if i make it in here, i'll appriecate 'em more. he was right. but that's skipping ahead.

i walk in, i get an interview, my bedroom, blah blah blah blah and then my nerves start to come back since they took away my xanax. first day i meet some new friends. bill, who's a forty some odd alcoholic/sex obsessive rock and roller who likes to buy joke toys and get dirty messages from people in the building including a quasi sober someone.

i'm not going to get sued by anyone, am i?

then there's jacquie (i hope to god that's spelled right) who knows my parents 'cause of the ol' ontario motorcycle thing. ('sall i can say, kids)

then the violence start. the sobriety kicks in and it hates me. it doesn't want to be my friend. and i hate it. and i brush it away by sleeping. when i wake up, i head straight for the bathroom and that's day one of eight violently ill days. i went into a ten day program, but they cut off my valium so i broke up or down and came back here. but a few days into the detox, the meds were keeping me calm. there's a guy i've never seen before. he goes "are you sinister funkhouse?" and the rest is history. i'm sinister the righteously famous hermitron? i'm not going to call you in a crisis, but i'll call when i feel righteous. that's my new motto. or lyric. don't fucking steal it 'cause my dad will kill your face.

a few days into it, i get the sluts by dennis cooper to read but that only really takes a few hours to read. so then i grab kids. by the best artist in the world of all time ever... drum roll?? HARMONY KORINE. so some of the detox people plus me and a boy named chuck watched kids. you're not allowed those types of movies in those types of places, but i've never been one for rules. i even put my cigarette out on the sidewalk, guys. THE MOTHERFUCKING SIDEWALK!

so me and chuck, on ectasy feelin' the effectasy. and then some people walk out 'cause they start feeling ill or some shit. next day we put on gummo, and that's even worse 'cause this one chick's all "FUCK, WHAT ARE THEY DOING TO THAT CAT?!??!! FUCK GOD DAMMIT!" and leaves. it was for the best, i believe.

the rest is sort of a blur. everyone there was asking to get together after but my hip hurts. plus they made me do the mickranda dance for every new junkie. plus this one guy who got kicked out claimed that i was the only would who understood him. it was like a fucked up place where literally everyone in the building wanted to be with you, and it was part romantic part fucking annoying. i'm home and i'm loveless and i love it.

i called a lot of people from that hospital bed of mine. i'm sure you got your message, photo. i know where you live.

i play on the piano. i vomit. i play on the guitar. i vomit. and then one day i'm semi okay. so i sex it up on a dryer. and then i feel tired so i got to bed. next day. i'm out.

wait. back up. we had to listen to some relaxation spiriuality american girl to tell us that our feet our becoming warm and she sounded like that amputee robot who tells you it's not cool to play on rail road tracks.

an overwhelming sense of beautiful heat is coming across me right now and i'm sweatin' like a dog ninja high school esque.

i just got back. it's now four thirty. anyway. where was i. i was no where. the irony (shoot me for saying that) in this is that camh called me one day before one of my best friend's funeral. he died of a bad mixture of fentantyl and everyone's guess is china white. he wanted me to move in with him and get clean so we could use moderately and still have sex or something or other. my mom went on my behalf. the whole family cried in my mom's arms saying this and that about me and that paul loved me and there were rose petals on the coffin. they also had a dvd set up for him watching him grow up in poland and coming to canada and my mom said that the background song was something i listen to every day but she can't remember the name of it and neither can i. the family will send me the dvd. paul's in poland now. 22 years old. died in eternity.

i just found this hidden in files. alysha drew it like... three years ago?


Friday, January 5

got out of jail. home. feelin' good james brown style. but feelin' TOO good to explain the stories. maybe tomorrow. see you in april or something.




david horvitz

i hope everyone who reads this realizes how brilliant david horvitz is. did you know he has the most read indie rock web magazine wrapped around his little finger? hes a fucking genius.


Thursday, January 4


the uncanny.

today i drove out for me second meeting to work on rob zombies new film, and as i was sitting in the car listening to kxlu i had that moment where it was like, what the hell are they playing, i know this (the shock of something so familiar that when it happens you don't know what it is), and then when the singing started i realized that the lyric was a text message i sent jamie a long time ago. last night juan said i was so drunk i shoved chips and salsa in his mouth with my tongue. then i wanted to punch a girl really hard in the face. When i get the job i'm going to make sure xiu xiu and this song is a mess is on the new halloween soundtrack. the dead science too.

the bird you are looking for... is painted on a tea cup buried under sand in the sahara.


Wednesday, January 3



david posted: in response to jamies blog, to all xiu xiu bloggers (caralee, jamie, ches, joe, miranda, anyone else??????)

i think my favorite show was in st. louis. it was so intimate and i think its the first show that me jamie and ches really made it work well. my favorite moment was in nyc with my friend chris garneau. we went to his friend duncan sheiks house and he was sitting on the ground doing buddhist chanting and we went into his kitchen and ate his bagels. also bird watching in cape cod was really beautiful. also changing marquee letters to say funny shit. probably lots of other things but i just woke up so i cant remember right now.


Tuesday, January 2

in response to jamies blog, to all xiu xiu bloggers (caralee, jamie, ches, joe, miranda, anyone else??????)

what is the best 2006 xiu xiu tour moment?
(for joe and miranda, uhhhh, you were at part of the tour, so, best 2006 xiu xiu tour moement in new york or toronoto?)

best 2006 xiu xiu tour moment:
walking around Fargo in the middle of the night when everyone was sleeping watching the wind blow things.
seeing brandon and naomi in toronto.
hustling ches out of a motel room and taking him to a 24 hour mexican restaraunt after being followed by a cop only to open the door in the parking lot and realize there was open beer in the back spilling everywhere, we would have been fucked by the police.
pumpkin flower taco in kentucky.
brendan, caralee, jamie, ches.

fuck, that was 6, or wait, 10.


Monday, January 1


dear jamie,

remember when i "touched" your beanie, and then you said you had to give it to ches b/c you said that b/c i am straight you cannot wear it (but ches just goes, "i don't give a fukkkkkkkk"), and that if i were gay it'd be okay. i thought about this when i remembered last night. freddy made me down the pernod in his car b/c he wouldn't drive with the open bottle. i wanted to walk around the smell party holding a bottle of pernod, i thought that'd be funny. then when the countdown came i didn't have anyone to kiss so i tried to put my tongue in juan's mouth. later i found out that juan is gay and i am wondering if it is like the beanie thing? hmmmmmm? does it create an unreconcilable akwardness? no one knew the right time so there were like ten consecutive count-downs, so maybe i kissed him ten times, i don't remember. this brings me to a new topic - the eternal return - and then to boredom. and then to bordeaux, which i drank with my dinner.




New Album
Dear God, I Hate Myself.

Gray Death
Chocolate Makes You Happy
Apple for a Brain
House Sparrow
Hyunhye's Theme
Dear God, I Hate Myself
Secret Motel
Falkland Rd.
The Fabrizio Palumbo Retaliation
Cumberland Gap
This Too Shall Pass Away (for Freddy)
Impossible Feeling

Buy on iTunes


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