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Wednesday, April 29


china is over

asthma has exploded my lungs.
sadly this prevents me from playing the sTrawbErry festival in bEijing-
this may 1st
see you next year please




aem subscription #3 yellow
went out a couple days ago please let me know if you have any problems



"strained the colander of aural bearability"



debate on sexual abuse

i was given a note at a recent solo show decrying me for not engaging people in a discussion about sexual abuse during shows or warning people that there would be songs about sexual abuse during xiu xiu shows. that it could be traumatic for people who had dealt with this issue.

the note, which i somehow lost and even though i took a photo of it to post some how lost the photo too? (WTF!!!!!!!), was written in terms of "us" which i took to mean people who had suffered from abuse. if i read it correctly, it implied that i did not have the right to talk about it; that i am not part of this "us." although i would love not to be, i am.

the person who gave me the note asked me, before i could read it, if i wanted talk to him about this as yet unread note. which i said i would of course but then i could not find him upon then reading it. (so many holes in this, sorry)

i have no idea how to feel about this. part of me wants to say fuck you fucking arrogant wounded dumb shit, part of me wonders if i have not been clear about the purpose of being blunt about awful things, part of me thinks for sure i do not feel responsible for leading a discussion group during a show, part of me want to do anything i can to be the right person for people who have gone through this but how?

what do you think?

if you have any thoughts about this please write me at
i will post every response so if you do not want to be posted do not write.
but i will not print any names or emails, of course, unless asked to.
none of the emails will be replied to, only posted.

thank you!!!!!!!!!!!


Tuesday, April 28

loyalty is dead


Sunday, April 26




Saturday, April 25



atlanta show is canceled
or rather,
i am not playing that show although other
wise and powerful people are

see you next time?






Wednesday, April 22


Child Soldiers benefit, info and free down load of new song

This Saturday, April 25th, non-profit INVISIBLE CHILDREN will be staging a global event in an effort to rescue the 3,000 child soldiers in Uganda, and we are part of a coalition of bands/musicians creating awareness online to make this a huge success via and
In support of The Rescue we are giving away a free download of a new song "Falkland Road" on Please visit the site after registering and learn about this weekends event in the process.



new xiu xiu track on darfur benefit compilation

Exclusive Tracks from Dan Deacon, Mount Eerie, Xiu Xiu, WHY?, Jim O'Rourke on Darfur Compilation

Starting today, online magazine Tiny Mix Tapes ( is selling a CD/LP benefit compilation exclusively through its website ( Titled Tiny Mix Tapes Vol. 1: Darfur, the 11-track compilation features *exclusive* tracks either recorded specifically for the comp and/or have not been released elsewhere. 100% of the profits will be donated to the International Rescue Committee (, an "independent, impartial, and secular aid organization," who are currently aiding Sudanese refugees in eastern Chad, southern Sudan, and the Central African Republic.

The LP version comes on heavyweight vinyl, housed in a beautiful jacket designed by artist Keith Kawaii (, while the unique CD jacket was lovingly crafted by Stumptown Printers (, an environmentally responsible Portland-based print shop. The comp was mastered by Carl Saff (

Tiny Mix Tapes Vol. 1: Darfur tracklist:

01. Jim O’Rourke - "Seven Stars"
02. Balroynigress - "Dress the Ship in Black"
03. WHY? - "Eskimo Snow (sock hop version)"
04. Frog Eyes - "Bushels (acoustic version)"
05. Burning Star Core - "Incurable Beauty of the Master’s Demise"
06. Xiu Xiu - "Farther On (Traditional)"
07. Mount Eerie - "Calf In Pasture"
08. Wooden Wand - "No Stranger"
09. The Flying Luttenbachers with Henry Kaiser - "Trapped in Ice"
10. nmperign - "Remote Sensing"
11. Dan Deacon - "I Have So Much to Donald"

You can purchase the comp here:

Visit the International Rescue Committee here:

Read more about the Darfur situation at the following resources:


Sunday, April 19





the compound 
is at 1300 E 4th, right next door to the Scoot Inn





viet noodle bar

(i love la)


Friday, April 17


arm scratching viet



hi all.

please bring in your 35mm in padded envelopes.

right now i have a ton of loose film and small envelopes b/c all the film fell out of the envelopes.

(and, if i mail the film in small envelopes, there is a high chance that they will fall out b/c small envelopes get put through machines)

if you gave me film in a small envelope in portland, please email me. your envelope may be lost. you might be the person who handed it to jamie, not me.

please please please, bring film in a padded envelope.


Thursday, April 16



Wednesday, April 15


today is that last time i will ever go to seattle again. good bye.



the life of tyler mays

China and Blood
It was crazy. I was thirteen years old and had never been on a plane before, let alone outside of the United States, and there I was boarding a plane in San Francisco, headed for Hong Kong on a crazy mission of "love and understanding" enforced upon me by a crazy stepmother and her oh-so-much-more-crazy family. I was scared to death that the plane would crash. I was scared to death that I would disintegrate the moment I stepped foot on foreign soil. I was scared to death that God was going to strike me down for many reasons, the least of which was the fact that I didn't believe in him, yet was scared of him. The reason for my voyage to Hong Kong and beyond had one goal and one goal only: to save the souls of the godless Chinese people. This goal was one that I had not set for myself. In fact, this goal was set for me by my stepmother, who had (in my humble opinion) paid for my trip to visit her family in the New Territories of Hong Kong, with money solicited from the naive members of our church, who gladly paid for my journey into missionary life. My personal goal was to not die.
I stepped off of the plane in Hong Kong some thirteen hours later to a wall of air, almost physical in nature, of decaying vegetation, suffocating heat, overwhelming humidity, and innumerable human beings crowded upon each other. I had made the journey by plane, by myself, and found myself unable to breathe, and very much out of my element. I was a Northern California boy... what the hell was I doing here? After the hassles of immigration and baggage claim, I was pushed out into the waiting crowds and somehow managed to locate the people with whom I was going to be living and working for the next month: a near-seven-foot tall old man with white hair and his short, culottes-adorned wife, with the neon green tank top and cross-laden shopping bags. The three of us could not have looked more out of place, but I seemed to be the only one that realized that fact.
At the time of my journey, Hong Kong was still the property of Great Britain, which meant that, everywhere I turned, there were white people occupying a landscape that, to me, appeared to be entirely not their own. I remember thinking, for the first time, about how horrendous it was that entire lands had been taken over by such entirely foreign interests and people and money and yet, I rarely passed an Asian person that did not smile at me and wave. I have never figured out, to this day, whether they were waving at me because they were friendly, or because I looked ridiculous in my 1990-style Bermuda shorts and hot pink baseball cap I got at the Hershey Factory in Oakdale, California. I like to think it was pure good will that brought on the smiles.
As we spent that first day in the cities of Hong Kong, we came across several displays of photography and video that no one seemed to be stopping at, but which enthralled me. I had unknowingly landed in Asia on the one-year anniversary of the Tiananmen Square protests that had been all over the news in the United States. A year had gone by, and I wondered why it was all worth having displays and marches, when such things were long past. Being raised in an overwhelmingly conservative and Christian household, I had been very sheltered from most things in the world, but I do not think that this fact alone accounted for my revelations that day. Watching the news during the uprising, or protests, or whatever they were being called at the time, I do not recall seeing many images of unrest beyond simple fires and people running away, or one brave man standing up to a line of tanks and getting his photograph sent around the world.
What I saw that afternoon, far away from home and the safety of my own boring life, was the truth. Photographs, blown up to poster-size, of crying protesters, stone-faced soldiers, and much more were stapled to display walls with writing I could not understand emblazoned upon them. Walking along though, I realized the photos were much more. Among those more-expected photos were images that I still remember to this day. Bodies, or what had BEEN bodies, lying where they had been run over by gigantic tanks. Bodies that had been set fire to and still remained curled up on the pavement. Men and women that had been shot in the chest or in the head and had fallen where they stood. Crushed bicycles with pools of blood next to them. I saw, for once, the truth behind was caused all of those tears, and protests, and displays. It served, in some ways, to break my spirit. I still believe that to this day. I immediately had such a profound desire to avenge these people that I never knew, yet truly showed me how little I could do as one person. A person that really had no right showing up in a foreign country with the sole purpose of changing them into what my church and family thought they should become. I knew then about what it truly means to have respect for a culture and a people and that is to love and appreciate them for what they ARE, and what they go through, and how they persevere. My thirteen year old brain had many conflicting emotions that day, not the least of which was to foster a long-standing inability to accept the American mass media as the purveyors of absolute truth.
The very next day, I was to begin my assignment in Hong Kong, for I was sent there for one purpose: Bible-smuggling.
The old ladies in our group filled their many hidden culottes pockets with dozens of small bibles and hundreds of religious pamphlets proclaiming the beauties of a white Jesus and the evils of communism. The old men stuffed the tops of their hats, and put bibles in their shoes. This absolutely mortified me, because I knew that I did not believe in this enough to convincingly pass armed guards and cross borders with the confident air of superiority needed to defy the law. I went into my room so that I could "load" my bags and garments with bibles and emerged with a total of TWO measly books stuffed in the pockets of my Bermuda shorts. That day, the shorts were the pattern of a red and blue jungle, very inconspicuous. We hopped on to the rail system and rode to the last stop on the Hong Kong line at the border into China. What had been very green and lush surrounding in the southern part of Honk Kong had become barren, dry, grassy nothingness at this exact point, and, at the time, I took it as an obvious sign that we were on our way to certain death in a militarized country of lost people and out-of-control government. The oldsters that I was with chose this time to tell me that we all had to pass through Immigration/Border crossing by ourselves so as not to draw attention to our shenanigans. I was, of course, irritated and highly anxious. I was to pass through all of the checkpoints and pass over the bridge to meet up in the city of Shenzhen.
I walked past guards that, to my young mind, wanted to shoot me with their machine guns and hated me for many reasons and walked up to the lines to hand over my passport. Immediately after I handed over my passport, two guards came up and began demanding something from me. I had no idea what was being said or what to do. They were waving a paper at me that I had seen the adults I was with filling out earlier. I had been told that, as a minor, they would not require one of me, as I was too young to "declare" any of my possessions. I stood there, near emotional death for three minutes until someone else from our party noticed and came over to explain to the guards that I was too young. He says that he was saying "thirteen" over and over in Cantonese, but to me it sounded like a plea for my life. They let me pass and I was a free man again but in no way relaxed. Our group met up and transported our stash of illegal bibles and literature to a factory in town that had been set up as a front for the distribution of said materials. In this factory, lived and worked young Chinese students who spent the next two days speaking to me in minimal English, asking questions about how strong my love for Christ was and how great it was to be helping their brothers and sisters. The idea that these young people, not much older than me, were risking their well-being for such ridiculous ideals really made unhappy. I vowed that I would no longer be a part of this activity and stuck to my guns from that point on.
I did make more trips into China, including one on an overnight peasant boat up the Pearl River to Guangzhou. Surrounded by poor, beautiful Chinese people that could not stop staring at this six foot tall pale boy in his hot pink hat, I became embarrassed by the loud Americans and British people that I was with. The ten of use had taken that overnight boat in order to "experience" how the locals lived, while the others proceeded to roll out expensive sleeping bags and food that cost more for one meal than an entire month's salary of those that were watching us in our communal bunk bed. I tried as well as I could to appear apologetic, but I never felt at ease with myself. If these poor Chinese workers knew that we disembarked from the archaic boat and taxied immediately to a five star hotel in the city, they would probably have not been surprised.
I was stranded for three more weeks in a country and amongst a people that I was steadily falling in love with, yet entirely incapable of experiencing in any real way. I had been sent to help change them, but quickly learned that it was not China or Hong Kong or its people that need the changing. I have been trying, to this day, to become a better human being as a result of this trip. To learn about people different from myself. To encourage tolerance. To encourage good will. None of which is accomplished by slipping them a cheap copy of some book that was never meant to address their lives in any meaningful way.
The people of Asia were my first love, and, though I have never had the money to return, I still think of them often in times good (economic revival, scientific advancement) and bad (earthquakes, civil unrest). So, Asia, I hope you forgive me for the religious propaganda and for the hot pink Hershey’s hat.
Tyler Mays




out magazine, "wish you were here"



i choose to blog...


Tuesday, April 14





Sunday, April 12



we will see if this works.

i have a twitter.

i will twitter restaurants that we'll be at, and if you are free, you can come and join us.

next: seattle, thai tom, time: TBA.

check the twitter.


Saturday, April 11




Friday, April 10


NO NO NO techinical difficulties anymore RE: portraits

please see header bar for the beginning of
taking a portraits of every single person at every show
please see header bar for the beginning of



Xiu Xiu Tour Video Two



thank you jesse! /



Wednesday, April 8


Xiu Xiu Tour Video One

We are going to shoot videos on this tour. The only vague coherency to all of them will be an attempt to tell some kind of story. This is the first one.

Also, new thought about the making photo-portraits of everyone at the shows: Whereas in the polaroid projects, polaroids were shot and personally given to people who attended the shows. That was about that gift of giving something from the tour. I think this new project goes one step further, and is about the people who attend the shows. It is about you now. Before it was for you, now it is you.




my new (to me) band cold cave is playing some shows in the next few days with crystal stilts and comet gain, come check us out!

Wednesday April 8th 2009
8:00 PM
at the Black Cat in Washington DC

Thursday April 9th 2009
8:00 PM
At Kung Fu Necktie in Philadelphia, PA

Sunday April 12th 2009
8:00 PM
At Williamsburg Music Hall in NYC


Monday, April 6


she loves naked sin

ok a million things, here we go again.

XIU XIU POWER WALKS ARE NOW BACK! MEET US AFTER THE SHOW! today's power walk was 15 minutes of flag toting through the interiors of the U of New Hampshire.

monkey town!

xiu xiu has begun


if u participate (key word) in the 35 mm film (archaic word) project

after i send you the film back

and after you develop them

if you upload them to the internet

and if you email me a link, like to flickr or somewhere

i will post the link on the blog

so people can see the photos that you got

only if you want to

it's up to you.

have fun while you're young
have fun while you're old

culture happens where there is circulation.




Wednesday, April 1

are you ready?

the real question is, am i ready?



jamie stewart plays the xiu xiu song book and scroll on tour!

hello people of smurf!
below are dates of solo shows i am playing also...

there are impositions afoot!

we are going to take a portrait of every single person at every single show
put them all onto a web site (URL being sorted out as we speak) where you can print them up if you like then 300 will be turned into a book
it would be nice to see you in a formal pose!

david is doing a 35mm photo project
for sale-
in this tour are
special shirts that say
"i loved you"
"dear God, i hate myself"
"love, love will tear us apart"
"chocolate makes you happy"
hand made mix cds culled from my music collection
stuffed animal posters from my collection
LPS of xiu xiu
hand made chocolate from my stupid kitchen in durham that against all odds in incredibly good!
please come europe and china dates to come!
2 - Greenville, NC @ The Spazzatorium - Jamie Stewart solo show
3 - Norfolk, VA @ The Boot - Jamie Stewart solo show

4 - Richmond, VA @ The Triple - Jamie Stewart solo show
5 - Philadelphia, PA @ First Unitarian Church - Jamie Stewart solo show - two shows 7:00pm and 9:15pm

6 - Brooklyn, NY @ Monkey Town - Jamie Stewart solo show - two shows 7:30pm + 10:30pm
7 - Durham, NH @ The Strafford Room - Jamie Stewart solo show
10 - Chicago, IL @ Ronny's Bar - Jamie Stewart solo show
11 - Grinnell, IA @ Gardener Lounge - Grinnell College - Jamie Stewart solo show
14 - Seattle, WA @ The Vera Project - Jamie Stewart solo show

15 - Portland, OR @ Backspace - Jamie Stewart solo show

17 - San Francisco, CA @ Cafe du Nord - Jamie Stewart solo show

18 - Los Angeles, CA @ Echo Curio - Jamie Stewart solo show

19 - Tucson, AZ @ Solar Culture - Jamie Stewart solo show

21 - Austin, TX @ Salvage Vanguard Theater - Jamie Stewart solo show
24 - St Augustine, FL @ Cafe Eleven - Jamie Stewart solo show
25 - Atlanta, GA @ Wonderroot - Jamie Stewart solo show



do you remember the earthquake may 12 2008?

if you have a second today, please think about the people of wenchuan. please be thankful you are safe and please hope for them and the loved ones that they lost




New Album
Dear God, I Hate Myself.

Gray Death
Chocolate Makes You Happy
Apple for a Brain
House Sparrow
Hyunhye's Theme
Dear God, I Hate Myself
Secret Motel
Falkland Rd.
The Fabrizio Palumbo Retaliation
Cumberland Gap
This Too Shall Pass Away (for Freddy)
Impossible Feeling

Buy on iTunes


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