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Sunday, August 31xiu xiu is over 1022 post!
last night in columbus, ohio rob of common eider, king eider, caralee and i went to a goth/dark wave night at a club called skully's.
it made me feel like i had found a part of myself that i had forgotten. goth was the beginning of playing music for me and regardless of the fact that i was wearing eternal tour fatigues of just jeans and a black inside out this song is a mess t shirt and most everyone else was in full bat wing, bloody clown wig, sex fascist, electrical tape gear, i still felt some how a part of things. in that clearly everyone there did not like who they are and were trying so hard to be someone else. and doing this, by again, dancing that feeling away. physically and emotionally pushing against everything in a painful, ecstatic almost deaf swivel. the people there were between 18 to about 50 but all still blackened. goth is wonderful in that way. in indie rock you just look like you work at home depot when you get older. in goth you look more dedicated. i think the hot, fantasy, younger goths there hated the older death rock types but they will eventually respect "the life" unless they are poseurs and get corporate jobs and are going to quit art someday anyhow. if so they are so wired for idiocy already, their prudish judgements are irrelevant. it has been crossing my mind to stop playing music a lot as of late, out of fear, out of insecurity but last night made me realize that a normal life is a pointless and hollow pressure that has been weighing on me and hurting my heart for nothing. as one, oh, can choose to press on instead. despite it being an obvious platitude but i have somehow allowed it to fade from view; i hope this isn't silly but, for life, please. XOXOXOXOXOOXOXOX
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